Tuesday, 26 October, 2004, 21:00
Think above the belt for this next sentence, you little pervs you. I only have one head and two hands. If you need something from me, take a god damn number.
I have a great many forces pulling at me from different directions. My life is currently a high school physics problem; the only difference is that I hated high school physics, and life is a good thing. On one hand, I have school. This is my primary non-personal obligation at the moment. I have a case study to do for my financial accounting class, I will have homework for my microeconomics class, and I have an ongoing project for my virtual reality class. School only comes with commuting, which actually wastes a good 2 hours per day. My secondary non-personal obligation is work, at which I have even
more forces pulling me in every which way, culminating today in a spontaneous release of energy (punching a large, inanimate object and causing my right middle knuckle to swell to three times its size). There are things I have to do, and too many other things are interrupting those priority items, which causes the people who are expecting the priority items to be completed to get upset and blame me. Is it honestly my fault that things are being thrown at me faster than I can handle them, and that my work in other areas suffers?
My personal life is suffering because of those pressures. I'm not making as much money as I did during the summer due to school so I can't do the things I want to do, which includes saving up money for future plans. The stress I gain during school and work carries over into my personal life, which negatively affects those around me. The fact that my work is expected to be done
outside of work where I have absolutely no means of compensation is especially grating. Honestly, who wants to bring their work home and
not get paid for it? It seems as if I wouldn't be able to get any work done
unless I did it outside of work. Well that's not going to happen. I have little incentive to do it at work (do you think I get commission off of a website design?), so what would make me do it outside of work? ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, ZERO.
Now, about the release of energy thing ... my right arm (and hand, of course) are killing me. Instead of punching large, hard, inanimate objects, maybe I should buy a punching bag and some boxing gloves, and stick them in the back of the store. This way, I can release my anger in a way that will not hurt me. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20, and now I have to deal with the fact that I have very limited use of my right hand. Yeah, I can drive and write but typing, opening doors, using my mouse, and whipping it out to take a leak are much more difficult. But I brought that on myself, so I can't really complain about it.
So now, at the end of this day one week out of the Presidential election, I shall go to bed a raging ball of stress with an aching right upper extremity. I love how my anger toward one main non-personal activity can simply dominate my thought process, causing nothing but stress and more anger.